Wounded 8-Year Old In Adult Clothes
Have you ever interacted with someone whom you thought was acting childish and unreasonable and thought to yourself, “Would you please grow up and act your age?” Have you ever wondered why adults behave so immaturely at times?
The reason why an otherwise rational adult suddenly reverts to behaving like a child is because something that was said or done, triggered an old wound in them that was (more often than not) created in their childhood.
Most people have heard about “healing the inner child” whether they have sought out professional counseling or not. Before I began assisting people in healing their forgiveness issues, whenever I heard someone talk about healing their inner child, I would question why one would spend so much time digging around in their past when clearly it’s today they are having the challenge with? Many years and many clients later, I quickly understood why counselors and therapists spend so much time inquiring about the early formative years for it is during this time when foundational beliefs and decisions are created and where traumas are entrenched. In other words, if the child in you doesn’t get healed, then the adult “you” won’t either.
The reason we are the way we are, goes back to our very survival. The need to be loved, wanted, accepted and safe is so innate that anything that threatens the status quo causes great distress and fear.
There are many things that can set these fears in motion such as feelings of abandonment caused by a death of a loved one or pet, a parent moving away due to divorce or one who leaves and travels frequently. Feelings of rejection are found in many who were given up for adoption, even if the adoptive parents were better qualified as parents and are more loving and kind. The same goes for children who were placed in foster care. Even when a parent gives a child up for reasons that are in the best interest of the child, how the child often interprets that (consciously or not) is, if my own parent/mother doesn’t want me, I must be unlovable. This isn’t true of course but it is often what a young child makes it mean. It is this decision/meaning we create in our minds that causes the hurt which we carry with us the rest of our lives, leaving a wounded child to walk around in adult clothes later on.
If you are wondering how painful events from your childhood may be affecting you now, think back to a time when someone (usually a parent, teacher, coach, or other authority) said or did something that to this day has left a lasting impression with you. It could be something as “benign”as a comment such as “you’ll never amount to anything,” or “you’re stupid, lazy” etc., or having been physically or sexually abused. Unhealed traumas run very deep leaving a trail of pain in their wake. A question I ask that often gets to the root of a client’s unhealed past is, “If you had your life to live over,what person or event would you just soon leave out?” This question usually leads one right to the person, event or comment they need to heal most.
In order to thrive, we must feel loved and safe. Most of us were born healthy, happy, loving, and trusting children. We remain this way until an event occurs that alters this way of being. Loss of childhood innocence threatens our understanding of life as we once knew it. Our view of a kind and supportive world is dashed and in its place distrust,unpredictability and danger now lurk. Unfortunately, most never heal their inner child and live out their adult years in pain over an event they do not realize is impacting their life today.
All around are wounded 8-year-olds walking around in adult clothes. Rather than judge their ‘less than adult’ behavior, understand they, like the rest of us, have unhealed aspects yet to address. It is so much easier to feel compassion toward one another knowing we are all still ‘children at heart’ who simply want and need to be LOVED.
